before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
