When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
