One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
