I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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