Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
