I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
