So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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