My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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