im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
