what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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