Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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