is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
