I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Panties = found
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
