man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
sex in a hospital.. check
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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