halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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