You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
