her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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