Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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