there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
