I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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