i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
True strength comes from lack of pants
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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