i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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