The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
