I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
All the doctor said was why
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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