Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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