This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
