Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
