so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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