a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
