and i looked up. we had an audience...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
