i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
be right there i have to get my cape
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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