Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
