Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
