So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
