so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
