You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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