get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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