I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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