and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
