This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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