its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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