I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Success! We fucked roommates!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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