So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
