I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I am naked and annoyed.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
