and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
