Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
