I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize