dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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