big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
