Me too!
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
