There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
