at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
