Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
