Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
