Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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