your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
