i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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