he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
