i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I love having hate sex.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
