I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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