I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
