I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
