4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
are you still at the devil's house?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
