Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
