She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
where are my eyebrows?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
