wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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