why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
