I haven't been this sober since birth.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
